No point in complaining

Yup, haven't been on here in a while.  Hopefully my friends still read this.

I've been plugging along in school.  Done some sweet projects and all that.  Pretty routine really.  I'm trying to start an anime club at my school.  I'm hoping I can get people interested and find a time that all of my new friends can attend without too many scheduling conflicts.  NDK is happening tomorrow here in Denver.  It's gonna be sweet, I got my Aizen costume all ready to go, so I'm looking forward to finally being able to cosplay again.

On other news, I'm still planning on hitting up Nebraskon this year.  Looking forward to seeing all my old crazies again.

Well, that's pretty much it for now.

Is freaking amazing.  Go buy a PSP.

Aside from a few obvious contradictions, I found out recently that I am technically a "hipster."  After some thought, I have decided that I am going to embrace this new development.  From now on, I will be carrying my iPod EVERYWHERE, loaded with tons of awesome indie music that no one has either heard of or would care about even if they have.  Phase two is to shun Starbucks and find a privately-owned coffee shop
to adopt as my second home.  The final phase of my plan is to shop at (and only at) thrift stores, buying shirts with obscure band names or other ironic merchandise.  I shall now and forever shun corporate America.

But in all seriousness, hipster has some negative connotations, but I think that it is slightly less insulting than being labeled "emo."  I do have many moments of emo-ness (emoments) but most people do anyways (I just go out of my way more to bother people about it.)  Either way, the hipster trend looks pretty appealing to me, which has led me to the decision of, among other things, chopping my hair off...for good.

Yes, that's right, I have come to the conclusion that long hair is no longer for me.  I don't want people to look at me and label me instantaneously based on the length of my hair.  I like my hair long, but it's time for me to start trying to adopt a look that is more professional and readily accepted by others.

I do like the idea of picking a coffee shop to frequent, however.  I definitely need a change of scene.

So once again my weirdass life throws me for a loop.

I don't know how the frasch it happened, but I'm going out with my friend's sister.  How freaking weird is that?  I go over to my friend Brandon's place to play some Guitar Hero and before I know it we're watching movies and I'm cuddling with his kid sister on his uncomfortable-as-heck futon.   Apparently she's had a huge crush on me since I started coming over to Brandon's, and he's been trying to set us up ever since.  Who the hell tries to set up his friend with his sister?

I managed to not screw things up on our first date, so we'll see how things go from here.  I hope that if I take things slow and don't overthink it I might be able to make this one count.  But whatever.  I've always loved how life can surprise you in the goofiest ways.  I finally become comfortable with my being single, and then this happens.  I'm starting to think that the secret to life is to not care.  Or not.  I dunno.

Ignore me...

Well, I am now an uncle (again.)  My other sister-in-law just had a beautiful baby girl.  Therefore, I am much excited.  I was sorta hoping for a boy this time around, but two nieces isn't so bad.  I still have two more siblings anyways, I'll get my nephew soon enough.  Anyways, I am really excited and I'm jumping around and stuff because NOTHING could make me feel bad today.  Not even the crappy weather and all the annoying Jeeps that keep almost hitting me because they think a Jeep allows you to drive on snow as if it was sandpaper.  Nope, none of that can make me feel bad, because the unstoppable Uncle Jeff is here once again!

My sister-in-law is at the hospital right now getting ready to have my second niece.  I'll get to meet the little bundle of joy on Saturday.

I'm excited.

I've been spending way too much time on the internet lately.  I'm bombarded with general idiocy, bad grammar, stupid people that argue their horridly biased and uninformed opinions by calling people who don't agree with them "fags" (There are many definitions of fag, but I have yet to see an official one that says it means either "homosexual" or "someone who doesn't agree with your stupid propaganda bullshit,") people that don't want to spend two extra milliseconds to type REAL ENGLISH but instead sound like someone gave their two-year-old a toy keyboard but didn't realize it was a real one until the kid had already hit "send."  Trying to prove a point while sounding like a retard doesn't prove anything except the fact that you are retarded.

What I'm trying to say is that I hate the internet.  I hate pop-ups.  I hate ads.  I hate sites that want to make you pay them money to download pirated software.  I hate how logic and reason fly out the window and people argue about nothing while spewing insults and hiding behind ambiguous screen names like sexy_gurl385 or power_stud99.  I hate just about everything the internet represents.  However, this isn't what I hate the most.

What I hate the most about the internet is that for some reason I actually care about it.  For some reason I check my MySpace every 3.4 seconds and expect to have a new non-spam message or comment or friend request every time and get depressed if I don't.  For some reason I get upset when I find a forum thread somewhere that bashes something I believe in (with no actual points or true logic, I might add, aside from "You're a faggot and a nazi for having an opinion.")  For some reason I post this stupid crap on my blogs and expect to get thirty responses and feel down when five days later it's unclear whether anyone has even read the title, let alone the actual post.  None of this should matter to me in the slightest, but unfortunately I can't help but care.

I post these things because I care about what I'm saying.  I post these things because I want someone to read them.  I post these things because as big as the internet is, I want to hope that someone might accidentally stumble across it and maybe take something I said and relate to and possibly learn from it.  Instead, people pay attention to the whiny emo kid that rants about how no one understands him, and after 500 people assure him that they do, he posts almost the exact same thing the next day.

The internet is huge.  It's everywhere.  It has potential.  It has the ability to impart knowledge and wisdom to the entire world.  The internet has the power to touch lives, and 99.99% of the people who use it can do nothing but spread their never-ending stupidity to all the corners of the earth.  The internet could unite the world and save it from itself, but we instead use it to divide and destroy ourselves.

If Al Gore invented the internet, he should be ashamed of himself.  And human race, thank you for once again taking something that should be inherently good and turning it into a giant farce.

Way to go, internet.  Thanks for nothing.

Hmm...long time no post.

I don't know why, but I feel like a super hero lately!
...OK, I actually do know why.

I finally got the nerve to ask out the girl at my school that I've been crushing on for the last six months.  After going back to Lincoln for Nebraskon with expectations, and having them all crushed for one reason or another, I still had a good time.  And I came out of it all with a newfound confidence in myself.  I'm still waiting for her to call (who knows if she even will, women confuse me), but I'm still really happy I finally did it.

I don't know if I was hiding from something or what, but there were some things in my life that I thought I wanted, but in the end I was forced to realize the hard way that I was really just trying to make something out of nothing, in order to cover for my insecurities.  I know apologizing won't help, but I'm so sorry to the people close to me that I've hurt with my never-ending stupidity (you know who you are).  The last several years of my life were for nothing, it almost seems, but at least I know that I won't be making this same mistake again.

Life is a never-ending cycle of ups and downs, some of which make us smile or laugh, some make us cry, some make us wallow in depression for months on end, but one thing is for certain:  Life is also an ongoing learning experience where we get to take all of those ups and downs and meld them with out own personalities in order to become better as friends, as lovers, as human beings.  I hope that I've become a better person through all of this, but be it known that I'm trying my very best to improve myself.  I ask that others do so as well.

I'm going to put these things behind me now, and move forward with all my might.

Pretty bored lately, wow it's been months since I last posted.

had a great time with the people back in L-town. Tony is still awesome, and hanging out with Jenni again was the bomb. School is crazy this term, I have so much stuff to read, but one of my classes is game analysis, where we essentially play games and talk about them all day.

On a side note, I'm starting to do some preliminary work on a cosplay costume. I shall try to get it done by Nebraskon, if I can figure out how to make it. Mostly just sketching and attempting to measure and make some sort of plan for how to go about crafting it, once i can afford materials.

http://tales.namco.com/abyss/image_view.php?media/character_art/lg/luke.jpg#self

this is a picture of the dude, as you can see, I need to start working on my abs.

I need an Adobe Illustrator project to work on in my spare time, since school isn't keeping me very busy. Ideas, anyone?

Yeah, so I'm having the best week ever.

Sunday night: Sucked.

Some stupid woman cop (I'm sorry, I just can't take them seriously) stops me and gets on my case about having Nebraska plates and a Nebraska driver's license. I failed to think to tell her that I'm a student therefore I don't need to get new plates and a license for Colorado.

Monday: Sucked.

I ran into an old lady (okay, her car) with my car. There was barely any damage to either of our cars, so it wasn't quite so bad in that respect. But I still felt really awful. No police were called, so no ticket, thank goodness.

Tuesday: Sucked.

Turns out there was more damage than I thought. My car overheats on the way to school, therefore I missed school and am now way behind on my work and have in general no clue what's going on. Had my first day at work, though, so I guess that's good.

Today: Also pretty sucky.

It's my day off, but lucky for me I had to get up early to call the car repair place for a tow and all that. Not so bad, but earlier tonight my brother decided to point out to me that the parking ticket that he said he'd take care of was now past due and I can technically be arrested. I got pretty ticked after he left and lost control, and ended up punching a nice big hole in the wall. Lucky for me, my bro was real nice about it, and I got to learn how to patch drywall.

Kind of funny how everything goes wrong all at once. But I suppose there's not so much you can do. It's a wake up call for me, because all this time I've had it in my brain that my family is going to take care of me, no matter what happens, but I've been taking it for granted that my brother and sister-in-law are trying to help me learn responsibility by letting me take care of my own problems. I'm really grateful in that respect. Either way, that was all the crap going on this week, but it wasn't all that bad. I finished my Adobe Illustrator project. If anyone would like to check it out, it's up on my deviantart site (loserninja.deviantart.com)

Well, that's what's up these days. I'm working hard at school and I finally have a job, so things are really looking up for me. No reason to let a little car trouble mess up my week. Have a good week everyone! (and look out for old ladies)

So it's finals week here at Westwood (my current college venture) Doesn't really affect me, since none of my classes have actual finals.

Finally, the FIRST WARM DAY THIS YEAR! YAHOO!! Ok, we've had other warm days, but this is the first one that I actually was forced to sweat on. The weather is generally moderate here around Denver, but we've had record cold this season. But it's over now, and I finally can recover from my winter heebie-jeebies (what are heebie-jeebies, anyways? Did I spell that right? Was it even the right word to use? Doh, forget it)

Our final week project is to draw something natural outside. There's a nice little park across the street from where my school is, so me and Tara and Kat (my college buddies) ventured over and just screwed around for a while. I climbed a tree (so much fun) and then jumped down and hurt myself, but it was worth it. Nothing serious, the human body just isn't built to fall that far, I guess. On a day as nice as today, who can just sit there and draw pictures of trees and running water? Not I! It's hard to get stuff done when you are so easily distracted...

I know I keep going on and on about this, but I love the new me. I mean, I've changed a lot since you all met me a few years back, but the change in scenery really brought out my good points like just time alone can't. I've mastered the art of talking without thinking (either a good or bad thing, depending on the situation) and not caring what other people say about who I am. I'm not going to lie, I really like happy things. I don't see why so many people these days (especially the people in my class) are so drawn to darkness and blood and guts and horror and all that. I'd rather watch Azumanga Daioh than Elfin Lied any day (if I spelled that wrong, stuff it) The other kids in my class make fun of me, but what's wrong with going all Miss Sakaki whenever I see a kitten? I just don't get it. People can be so petty and judgemental...

Whew, that was quite the rant, without a hint of emo. I'm so proud of myself! And I'm severely looking forward to wearing shorts tomorrow! UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

That's it, no more saying anything about job stuff until I ACTUALLY GET ONE!! All this BS about having to take the initiative and call them when they CLEARLY SAY they will call me TOMORROW!! What's up with that?

Anyhoo, school is pretty rockin' lately, my game poster is coming along nicely. I hope I can get it uploaded onto my DeviantArt for all of your viewing pleasures.

Now for the emo part (just a little emo):
I'm feeling a little bit lost lately. I have no job, therefore no money, which I need a LOT of, since I have to buy art supplies constantly. All the artwork I have to do is such a chore and I'm starting to wonder if I could make it in the game world. It's a little overwhelming, but all I can do is keep pressing forward, and hope that I can settle in to my niche soon.

I'm really starting to miss all my friends from Lincoln. I haven't really met anyone around here who I really click with. Sure, I can at least talk pretty easily with everyone, but no one there I would really consider spending time with and getting to know. I especially miss you, Jen-Jen. You're the only girl I've ever know that ever gave a crap about me. Sorry I was so stupid.

Well, I'm pissing myself off looking at what I'm writing, so I'll call it good for now. Later peeps.

Well, Old Navy hasn't called me back for my 2nd interview. I would call them but instead I'm looking in to getting a job at the car dealership my brother's best friend works at. It's pretty much a shoe-in, as long as I can find someone who will teach me how to drive manual transmission.

As I prepare to start writing a 2 page paper at 11:00 the night before it's due I am forced to realize what a lazy slacker I am. I wonder why I can't get myself to do anything before the last minute. I just seem to have some sort of block that prevents me from doing things ahead of time. Oh well, I seem to ace everything I ever get done in this fashion, so it can't be that bad a thing, can it? I'm just worried that when it comes time to get a real job doing art or whatever I do that I can figure out how to do things in an organized and timely manner.

But this journal is cutting into my valuable work time, so until next time!

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted.

I live in Elizabeth, CO now, a small town in the outskirts of Denver. Some of you probably know already, but I'm going to a small trade school called Westwood College.

I'm in Game Art & Design, a really awesome program. I'm not really into the meat of it yet, but I have a really awesome drawing class, and I'm getting better every day.

Just thought I'd update, life is pretty good right now, so no emo rants today. Peace, folks!

I probably had the best weekend of my life, but it kind of sucks that it's over.

I went up to Chicago for Anime REACTOR, a small con in its 3rd year. It was pretty fun, didn't really do much aside from chill with the people I went with, the guests weren't anything special, but I did have some crazy fun drinking and playing karaoke revolution (despite all the hangover and retching the next day, never drink screwdrivers that are 3/4 vodka). Dropped a bunch of money on trading figures, managed to pick up the 2 Samurai 7 figures I wanted the most, but I didn't get any of the good Elemental Gelade figures. I guess you can't win 'em all...

I mainly went to the thing so I could see Tina, the girl I met at Anime Iowa, but I met a lot of cool people and got to know some of her other friends I met at Iowa. It's always great to meet new people (especially people that think I'm cool), I wish I got to do it more often. As for Tina, I think she's the most amazing woman I've ever met. She likes a ton of the same things as me like video games and anime, but she's also intelligent and motivated (not to mention obnoxiously beatuiful.) Kinda sucks that she lives 4 1/2 hours away.

Either way, it was so much fun, and Tina and her friends are going to try to make it to Nebraskon too, so that will be cool if it falls through. Anyways, I'm tired, so peace.

I feel weird right now.

Sometimes I have these surreal moments where I feel like I'm not really here. Does this make sense to anyone? I feel like I'm a disembodied spirit just floating around as if I'm in the world but not part of it. Maybe it's because of everything that's been going on in my life, wondering what of the millions of possibilities are plausible and/or something I can stand to do. It might also be because I've been playing this video game almost nonstop where you play the role of a disembodied spirit. Take your pick, either way I feel weird.

Yeah, so yet again I find myself unbearably confused. What else is new, eh?

Yeah, so my sister and her husband are having problems again, so they're not sure I can move down to Florida. So then my brother called and he wants me to move to Denver. The thing is, as much as I want a change of scene, I can't help but get scared. I'm so attached to everyone around Lincoln, I can barely stand living 2 hours away from there, let alone states away.

I just don't know what I would do without anime club to go to. It's the only place I can feel like I'm myself and I don't need to impress anyone. The problem is, I keep thinking that if I keep hanging on to all this stuff, I'll never be able to get my life to go anywhere. I feel like I need to leave everything all behind and start over.

The main problem is my dependence on other people. I can't make it on my own. I'm forced to wonder if it's me being weak, but the problem doesn't end there. There are points when friends and family aren't enough. Sometimes I feel like the only way to be happy is to find a woman to love. Unfortunately, this leads to a whole new set of problems that I'm sure you all know about. I can be a clingy whiny ignorant fool, and I'm like that more often than I wish I was. I've been getting better at hiding that side of me, but it always comes out, and it always gets me into heaps of trouble.

I'm not trying to be whiny, even though it came out that way. I try to be optimistic as much as possible, and I know that things will with time get better. These burdens are mine to bear, and I'm sorry that I get you innocents caught up in my problems. A guy's just gotta vent, ya know?

And now, I present what we've all been waiting for....

My beautiful niece!

"Blah, blah, blah, all they do is fawn over me saying 'she's so adorable!'  It
makes me sick.  Plus, what's up with this hat?  And yeah, yeah, let's all laugh
at my purple hands."

Okay, that's probably not what she was saying.  Her name is Cadence Grace Headlee (Cady for short,) born two days ago.  She's 8 1/4 pounds of awesome and 19 1/2 inches long.  Anyways, I'm an uncle now and I have the best family ever, with one new member in the mix.

On an unrelated topic, I'm back in my parents' house with nothing to do but get caught up on video games, so someone give me a call or something!  I'm goin' crazy here!  And my niece is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world! (At least until I have a girl of my own. XD)

Yeah, so since everything in my life has been going wrong, more wrong and just plain disastrous, I'm starting over.  No more pissing people off by talking about them in my journal, no more pissing myself off by posting a bunch of emo crap that comes from who-knows-where, and most importantly, NO MORE NEBRASKA!!

I'm moving back home to my parents' for about a month and then I'm moving to Florida to stay with my sister.  No more talking about it, it's time to get my life on track.  That is all.